The Wife

I find it fascinating that no matter how far removed from the past you, it can become your present in seconds. Locked away thoughts, memories, feelings, and dreams can be stored away on a back shelf until a quick jolt brings them out.

I met my ex-boyfriends wife yesterday for the first time. Due to the magic and convenience of Facebook I had already stalked her and knew her face and seen wedding pictures. And for the record, it didn't bother me to see those pictures - it's been a LONG time now. Three years this month since Ryan and I last spoke. Three years ago this month since I let the feelings go and began the healing process.

My friend Megan hosted a jewelry party and at her home and before I left the house I had the strangest thought when it crossed my mind that Ryan's wife could be at the party. Perhaps that was the Holy Spirit preparing me so I could be gracious if and when our paths did cross.

So I met her [Melissa] and she was lovely. Very kind, thoughtful, and truly sweet. In fact when I first introduced myself to her she asked if we had met before because I looked familiar. I sort of awkwardly laughed, but had no desire to mention my connection to her husband. However, she immediately figured it out and said, "Oh you're Kari! You used to date Ryan!" Um, yeeessssss...I laughed and said that was true.

And from that moment on she was so kind to me. Almost to the point of shocking when she would causally ask me "Could you get Ryan to find a red wine to drink?" Or "He has so many great things from when you guys were dating" - referring to my discount at work and all the hook-ups that guy benefited from. She also added that I must be so adventurous because Ryan experienced so many wonderful things his first year in Denver and attributed it to me and how fun I was. She made me feel so comfortable with her kindness.

I even told her I was nervous to meet her, knowing our paths would cross someday. I even added, "sometimes when things don't work out the way you expected them to, your best side isn't brought out". Clearly I was wondering how often Ryan mentioned his Crazy ex Kari. But Melissa assured me Ryan only spoke highly of me and had nothing but the best things to say about me. And clearly he does talk about me (or probably used to) because she knew my face, our stories, our adventure, and our activities.

For what it was worth all of this offered me healing I didn't know I needed. And maybe I didn't need it, but it was nice to have. Our breakup was so painful to me and the way it ended always offers me an unpleasant memory, but somehow hearing that I was important to Ryan, and our relationship meant something to him, made me feel validated. Ryan was never one to offer up how he felt about me or about anything. His relaxed attitude in general sort of masked emotions and feelings, and as a woman it was easy to long for any sort of indicator of how he felt.

So hearing through his wife that I played an important role in his life and our relationship meant something to him was sort of what I needed to hear since I never heard that from Ryan. Melissa is lovely and if it wasn't for the fact I dated her husband, I think I could friends with her.