Had My Phil

If you read back a few posts you'll remember Phil the Red Head I went out with late last month. We had drinks, did karaoke and had an overall pleasant evening. Since that date he's been emailing me everyday and texting [while on vacation]. He even texted me at 6am Saturday morning to wish me good luck on the ride. I really appreciated how assertive he was in terms of pursuing me. It's the sort of stuff we girls always hope for. And last night he called and we chatted for 2.5 hours. It was funny, easy, and not too shabby. I did mention church a time or two, but received nothing back in terms of curiosity, interest, or appreciation. Which lends itself to be suspicious if he too has a relationship with God.

Tonight he picked me up for our second date at a local Mediterranean restaurant. Unfortunately before the night started I knew I wasn't interested anymore. I was already missing the attraction element, and then to lose hope on the faith front didn't help either. I noticed my interest in him was definitely limited to a friend connection with a 'nice guy'.

And unfortunately for him I was probably not the most amazing date in the world. Without that extra giddiness and glow, it becomes just a polite exchange of conversing. He asked me lots of questions, and seemed really interested in getting to know me. I went through the motions of chatting with him, and while he was super nice, I eventually got to the point of the evening where I didn't see the point of the evening.

And we did touch on the church thing and he said he was pretty indifferent to it[God], although he did grow up going to church and youth group, and his mom still begs him to come to church all the time.

By 10:30pm I called attention to the time and put my purse on my lap, trying to encourage an exit. We walked back to his car and headed to my house. Once in the driveway he seemed really content chatting it up with me and didn't want the night to end. And I was sitting there planning what I would say in case he asked me out again. The conversation continued for at least twenty more minutes as I tried to find an escape route, but couldn't seem to find a permissible way to get out of the car.

I thanked him for the evening again and stated how much I enjoyed dinner. He then mentioned trying out another restaurant the next time, one we had just chatted about. I knew this was my moment to say something. Heart racing...."You know, I just think I'm missing something between us and probably won't go out again. I really enjoyed tonight and getting to know you, but that extra thing just isn't there for me."

I held my breath wondering how he'd take it. And I was a tad surprised by his response.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I wasn't really sure either. I just couldn't tell if we clicked or not."

I guess I was surprised he said that after all the pursuing he did and the fact that he just asked me out again and didn't seem to want to end the date. Perhaps it was "saving face" or maybe he was losing interest since I wasn't a very good date tonight.

So I went with it. "I know what you mean. Sometimes when two friendly people chat together it's hard to tell if there is a connection or if they're just chatty." I also added that I wanted a connection to be there and I sincerely appreciated his emails and phone calls (hoping to encourage him to still go that route with the next girl).

Urgh. I just hate having these conversations. They do get easier each time and I definitely enjoy "nipping" them right away instead of dealing with it later. There is great freedom in honesty.

So we continued our polite exchange of wishing each other well at work, etc, etc. But I just really wanted to get the heck out of there and not be on this date any longer.

What did I learn this time around? What little nugget can I take from this? Well, I said earlier I needed to either be attracted to him or find him funny before agreeing to a date, and now I've decided I need to be attracted to him period. And I know some readers might argue that they weren't attracted to their husbands at first either, but I would argue back, "You weren't dating him when you figured this out." Once you start agreeing to dates you're sending a message that you're interested and assuming attraction is there. Getting to know a guy in a friends only situation is much different because there isn't the pressure to figure out the chemistry element at the end of each night. It just happens.

So...on to the next. Who will it be? Who knows! But you know an update will shortly follow.