I think I need a new approach to dating. The old approach isn't working - I think too much and am too hopeful in the beginning. The idea came from two different sources...let me explain.
I was watching an episode of my favorite chick-comedy this weekend. The leading character had a date with a guy she was VERY excited to go out with. In fact her friends became concerned that she was putting too much pressure on the date since she was so hopeful about this great prospect. One of her friends recommended she go on another date before the big date to take the edge off. Perhaps try and calm the nerves and remember that there are other men out there. Unfortunately her "practice" date was so nervous and ruined everything that she became even more nervous for her big date...
The second source fueling my thoughts is a my guy friend who is dating. He's a very cautious person with high standards, but has found himself dating a few women at the same time. This isn't done so he can play the field, but rather casually get to know a few women and keep things light before taking any steps forward.
I have to say, that concept appeals to me right now.
Try as I might, I'll always be overly optimistic for a date...and maybe a little jittery. As a woman, I think in the back of my mind "perhaps this could be my last first date". I don't necessarily put a lot of pressure on myself during the date, but I put pressure on myself after the date. I over-think, analyze, rationalize, debate, etc, etc. It is so annoying.
I try to be cool, calm and collected on the outside, but truth be told, I'm quickly sorting through all my anxious thoughts to make the best decision. It's coming from a place inside me that desires to be smart, discerning, and follow God's will for my life. But I need to find a way to shut that off, especially in the beginning and remember that it is OK to go out on a few casual dates to get to know someone without having to over-think a darn thing!
So perhaps I should only date in waves. Maybe it would allow me to be more casual and guard my overly-sensitive and hard-working heart. I could gain a better prospective of the situation and not put pressure on anyone involved to "see where this is going".
Yes, yes, that is what I'll do. (As if I have so much control over the number of dates I get per week-month-year.)
2 comments:
As an overly anxious person myself, I comPLETEly understand! I was a nervous wreck of a dater. I think you should know that you come off as very pulled together, cool, calm, and casual. Not that I've seen you on a date ;) But that's how you seem in other settings! When I was dating I found that the more I dated, the less anxious I was about the whole thing. I tried this approach with lots of things - skydiving, for one - and it really only worked on dating :) So - take it for what it's worth - not much really :) I also found I was most comfortable when I finally found peace within myself - That also happens to be when Mark and I got engaged... Love you,
Jen
Your a catch, any guy who even gets to go on ONE date with you is uber-lucky.
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