Confidence from the Spirit

Did you know a women's favorite topic of conversation is relationships? We like to share our knowledge, analyze situations, re-hash the past, explain our thought process, evaluate other's actions, interpret verbal and nonverbal communication. So it's no surprise that me and my girlfriends spend quite a bit of time discussing men. A topic that tires us daily and yet we constantly try to figure them out and understand our relevance in their world.

My last relationship basically ended because he didn't love me and he didn't know why. He wanted to, and yet something in his gut wasn't sitting right. I'll never understand him and why it took him so long to tell me this. But one thing I did know is that it shouldn't be so hard to love someone. You either do or you don't. He broke up with me so he could spend time figuring himself out and he wanted to get to the same place as me (love), but needed time to get there. My first reaction was to try and understand and let him get there as well. A natural reaction when the man you love is breaking your heart: you don't want to let him go. As time went on my heart came to new conclusions through prayer and friend's counsel. “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.” Proverbs 27:9 (NLT) If he didn't know how he felt then that was his answer to his feelings...he just didn't love me. That wasn't good enough for me. I wanted someone to fall in love with me, not analyze for 6 months if he could, maybe, possibly, consider loving me after the "stars aligned" and he was left with no other conclusions then to overcome some weird fear of commitment or fear of being alone and I seemed like a decent life partner. That's not enough for me and my heart.

A friend of mine went through a similar disappointment. Without sharing too much about their history I'll just say that this ex of hers had more then enough time to figure out his feelings and act on them, but he didn't. Now she's happily moved on and found someone even more amazing. A man who knows without doubt or reservation that he loves her. He didn't need years to figure that out...he didn't need a bolt of lightning...he didn't need time away from her to decide how he felt...he didn't need to over think it. Where did this confidence in his feelings come from?

”Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people.” Luke 2:52 (NLT)

I don't actually know this guy very well, so I can't really answer that question. But what I do know is that there is a difference between men (and women) who lay their heart before the Lord to seek wisdom, understanding, and love. A man who is in love with the Lord and desires His will is in touch with his feelings and decisions. I am sure it would be scary for a guy to figure out his feelings for a girl if he wasn't even seeking God's wisdom in the situation. You would second guess all your thoughts and feel so isolated in your heart. Most of my closest girlfriends who are married dated for, at most, 6 months before the guy proposed. I guess we can refer to that as "when you know you know". I would bet that each one of those men walked with God, sought counsel (through prayer and/or friends/family) when making the decision to propose, and continued to pray over the relationship each step of the way.

My hope is to find a man who puts God first and gains his confidence in decision-making because he is walking with the Lord. “I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray.” Psalm 17:6 (NLT) I hope to be an answer to a man's prayer someday...I hope he prayed he would meet a great woman and fall in love. So when we meet he'll know in due time how he feels and it won't scare him. I don't want to ever feel like I'm waiting on someone to "fall in love with me" again. I want him to be sure of his feelings because of his counsel and prayer time - what a difference it makes when we seek God and have confidence from the Spirit.

Philippians 4: 4-6, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (NIV)

Hebrews 12:11, “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.” (NLT)

Matthew 11:28-29 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (NIV)

Psalm 131:1-2 “My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. (NIV)