Back off the saddle

I attempted to get back on the saddle again. I had one foot on the ground and one foot in the stirrup. But as that other foot tried to push off the ground and swing to the other side, I sort of got nervous and stayed firmly planted on "single ground". Much safer. No one get hurts. No one is hopeful or rejected. Yes, it was a good decision to return the horse and saddle.

I had a date Friday night. Well, I was suppose to have a date (my first since the break-up). I met this interesting (younger) gentleman at the Grizzly Rose Labor day weekend and he seemed nice enough. I just wanted to have a casual date that involved a beverage only, no food. Food is a big commitment on a first date. You might still have the menu on your lap and realize you don't want to order a full course meal because it means you're stuck on the date for whole night. However, a beverage date means after a cappuccino or glass of wine you can just leave. Glass is empty = date is over. I really wanted to go into this Friday night date with zero expectations (I blatantly knew he wasn't "my type".) Just have fun, get my feet wet again, forget about the ex. But as the week came to a close I got nervous. Not necessarily about seeing him, since I knew I wasn't truly interested, but more nervous about the concept of dating again. When you fall in love and think you've found a soul mate, it's weird to be sitting across from another guy trying to find that engaging spark.

So I cancelled the date. I left an EXTREMELY pleasant voice message. Of course I can't remember what I said since I was pumped full of adrenaline. Something to the extent of, "I can't make it...not feeling comfortable with a one-on-one date right now...maybe your friends and my friends can meet up again to go line dancing...sorry...take care." I know it was a crappy thing to do, but it would have been even crappier to have accepted a date, had him shell out some $$ and then call it a night at 9pm and never see him again. And yes, he wanted to do the full dinner thing at Cheesecake Factory. I also realized I am an age snob. I just can't date younger then myself. Maybe it's because I've always been the youngest with ALL my friends, so I'm used to being around people that have all their ducks in a row and are making big, grown up decisions in life. For all I knew this guy still lived at home... Besides he was a little over-zealous the days leading up to the date. Way too many text messages (not a fan of those "cutesy" messages until you've been dating for at least a month) and he called quite a bit. It just lead me to believe he was more excited about the date then I was, and that wasn't fair to him. Now before anyone tells me I should have "given him a chance" or "you never know": HE CHEWS TOBACCO. So there!! If nothing else, I couldn't date a chewer.

My last relationship taught me a lot about what I want and who I'm looking for. I'm not afraid to admit that I am ready to be married and would be happy to find a fabulous guy. I am also content being single, but I just enjoy the companionship of another person through life decisions, struggles, and joys. But I'm not ready to go out with any old (or young) Joe for the sake of having a date. I would prefer to try a date after establishing a pleasant connection in a group situation. Those dates are the best anyway. I would rather my next date be with a guy who I'm genuinely interested in getting to know, not a guy I didn't have the courage to say "no" to when he asked for my number.

Oh well, lesson learned. Off the saddle, back to the stable, fingernails tapping patiently...where is my Knight in Shining Armour? :)