My Naked Self

My friend Gretchen once said the more she learns about being the Christ-like the more she realizes she has to learn.

I feel that way. More now than ever.

Being single and being a Christian is very interesting at times. I know Paul calls us to remain single in Corinthians (yeah right), and marry if we must marry (heck yes), but he says we should remain single so we have more time to focus on Christ and give our time to the kingdom. And yet with all this amazing free time I find it more difficult than ever to carve out time for Jesus.

For some reason I have this fear of being lonely. Not that I mind my quiet time or mind being independent, but feeling sort of "left behind". I have a closet full of bridesmaid dresses and receipts from Babies 'R Us that signify dozens of friends who have progressed to that next stage. And yet I still remain in this stage. This single, free-spirited, tons of time, gal who has her future at her finger tips and time to pursue anything (or some crap like that).

So we singles gravitate towards each other. Our schedules lend themselves to be free and fill it up with fun stuff. Websites like Facebook allow us to feel even more connected to social gatherings and plan out each moment of our weekends so our Monday dialogs sound thrilling when asked what we did this weekend. In fact sometimes it feels like a popularity contest and it bothers me that I feel the need to be a part of it. Making sure you're going to the parties, meeting for happy hour, getting concert tickets, going to a game, getting asked on dates. All of this fills our time so we don't feel lonely, and that's fine, but I rarely hear people making plans to serve others or spend time praying together (me included).

And yet if you stripped away all of that stuff what would be left? If I couldn't ride my bike, snowboard, shop, dine, drink, dance, date, workout, golf, what would be left of me? What do I really have to offer?

Would my naked self still embody everything Christ calls me to do or am I too distracted by the single lifestyle of busyness and constant plans? What do I look like without a social agenda? Would Jesus be pleased with who I am without all that other "stuff" surrounding me? If I met a handsome man would he still find me worth pursuing if it was just me, my thoughts, and my attitude?

So the more I understand that Christ calls me to serve others and love people the way He does, the more I feel like a big fat failure. I used to think it was just enough to have faith and believe, and yet now I'm understanding that if I'm not ultimately loving people like Christ did and leading them to the cross then I'm missing the point. Jesus certainly wasn't popular so why should I try to be something Jesus wasn't?