Blogging can feel like the best way to fan the flame of narcissism. Hello world, look at me! I am so important, so profound, and so amazing, that you MUST read what I have to say! Here's what I do, here's what I think, here's how ideal I am. Don't you love me?
How do you battle this? How do I battle this specifically? Especially if you're wired to be an open, extroverted person who likes to write and share random thoughts. Where is the balance between a humble person who just likes to blog and a person who needs the spotlight to feel better about themselves? I guess it helps that I love to read other people's blogs. I care what my friends did that weekend, or what new quirk their kid has, or their challenges of being a loving Christian wife/woman/mother.
I guess these thoughts started a month ago when I was training for the MS150 Bike Ride. Everyone around me was so amazing and soooooo supportive. In fact, it was easy to start to feel a "little cool" about yourself. You "appear" athletic and inspirational to others. But I don't want to feel like the glory received should satisfy my own selfish desires to feel loved and appreciated. I love compliments as much as the next person, but how many compliments am I dishing out? Am I praising the people around me?
I've also spent the last three years having people care about me and ask me questions. My sister's MS, my mom's cancer, my heartbreak all gave other's time and desire to be a good friend. I will admit I've given people reason to care and pray, but now I'm done with that stuff. My life is good, my family is healthy (you can always pray for my sis since her battle is ongoing), and my heart is healed 100%. Perhaps I've got a little too comfy in the receivers seat and need to switch to the givers seat.
What would happen if I took myself out of a self-indulgent spotlight and focused largely on others? You could call it "The Pay it Forward Compliment". And I've found that in order to really feel good about yourself, stop thinking about yourself. Think about your friends and what they need from you. Think about your family and how you can be a encourager. Think about Christ's desires for your mouth and your heart.
I don't want to be an oblivious narcissist who focuses inward and not outward, and people get annoyed by my consistent desire to toot my own horn or point out something fabulous about myself. I don't want to be a sponge who thrives off words from others. I want to be the person cheering on others and humbling accepts sweet words with grace and appreciation. I guess in the blogging world you can win a free pass to write about yourself, and people have the choice to read it or not. But in the real world of relationships, love, inspiration, and humility, I don't want to be Me-Focused.
So this is my new challenge. And as a battling narcissist (not really, but I don't want to be one), I had to blog about it so you could see what I'm working on. OK, enough sarcasm for now!
3 comments:
It was hard to not get caught up in all the compliments during our ride. This topic kind of goes back to our Bible Study last year. Remember talking about when you take a picture, who's the first person you look at? Yourself. I'm not speaking to you directly, but we as human beings. This is a good reminder to all to focus on others.
Great thoughts Kari. It is hard to continually put the focus of one's life OUT and not in. I think it's a daily struggle for about 99.9% of the population. Just so you know, I don't think you're a glory hog ;o)) You have always been quick to shower love and compliments on me and others. In fact, I have thought many times that I need to be more like you and be quick to compliment people. Not fake ones, but the good things I am thinking in my head about people. Tell them!! Thanks for a good blog.
Great post and a great reminder.
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