I saw my ex yesterday. For the first time since we stopped talking...the first time since August. It was so weird - like a dream or something.
I was at Coors Field for a Rockies game with 30 other friends. A field that holds around 40,000 people in a city of 1 million people and was quite full yesterday. We had just gone through the gate and walking towards our section. I looked up for a brief second and made eye contact with him from a few feet away. He said hello and gave me these large puppy dog eyes (eyes I used to think were sensitive, but now I see them as cowardly) and I said hi back, and we both kept walking. He was with a girl...I'm assuming the same girl he started dating one month after he told me he would call me and we would discuss "us". A phone call he promised to make so we could find resolution and officially end things since he kept telling me had hope for our relationship, he just needed alone time with God for awhile. The phone call that never came, and then he started dating someone.
I stopped, stunned, and told my friends who I saw. Being the wonderful friends they asked if I was OK and commented on the fact all the color had drained from my face. They also assured me that I looked fabulous and ensured that I was better off without him. I of course know that, and definitely don't miss him or long for him. But it was just weird to see him for 2 whole seconds in a crowded stadium. It was a face I've tried to block out for so many months - I don't even look at pictures of him. No conversation, no greeting, no nothing. So we found our seats and I was consumed with thoughts, mostly it was a rude reminder of my hurt from the past. And I did what any other girl would do after seeing her ex for the first time, and seeing him with someone else: I cried. I heaved sobs for about 2 minutes on my sister's shoulder. I prayed in my head that God would protect my thoughts and not be sad about this or have it ruin my afternoon. So the tears dried up, and I vowed not to cry about it again. I decided a margarita was in order and I had a great time the rest of the game with my 30 friends.
I am great. I am fine. I have moved on and I feel fabulous. The memories of the past are just memories and while they hurt and sting sometimes, they have sculpted me into a better version of myself. And like my sweet cousin said last night, sometimes it takes a bit longer to squeeze out those final tears from the past...
...so goodbye past...goodbye tears...
4 comments:
Oh wow Kari. Sorry your day was briefly "ruined" by the ex. I am so glad you were with friends when it happened. Maybe it was a good thing that it happened when it did, God's little way of "squeezing out the last tears". I am glad you looked fab too ;o))
Ugh! My heart dropped reading this post. I know exactly how you must have felt--I always hated seeing them for that first time "after" and especially if they were with someone else. I'm so glad you looked fab and that you had supportive friends around you. I think it was very healthy that you cried, but I'm glad that you know in your heart that he doesn't deserve you.
Love ya,
Jen
Lets see, should I list all the ways that you are waaaaay to good for him? Glad it is over, now on to Mr. Right! Come out Come out where ever you are...
goodbye wrong guy from the past and hello future husband....wherever you are!
Love you,
Mel
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